Một anh chàng có những bảy đứa con. Bạn bè bảo anh ta:
- Này, cậu quá đà đấy... Ít nhất cậu cũng phải hạn chế bớt đi chứ. Cậu không nghĩ đến cuộc sống của vợ cậu à?
- Tất nhiên tớ có nghĩ chứ, - anh chàng đáp - mà lỗi cũng tại cô ấy cơ. Cô ấy bị nghểnh ngãng...
- Vợ cậu bị nghểnh ngãng? Thế thì liên quan gì đến chuyện này?
- Có chứ. Buổi tối, ăn uống xong, khi đi nằm tớ hỏi cô ấy: " Thế nào ngủ luôn hay làm cái gì đây?". Bao giờ cô ấy cũng trả lời: " Cái gi?"
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Giáo sư phê bình gay gắt cậu sinh viên năm thứ nhất :
- Bài thi vừa rồi của anh thật khó chấm. Anh phải viết làm sao để những người ngu dốt nhất cũng có thể hiểu được.
Cậu sinh viên rụt rè hỏi lại :
- Thưa giáo sư, thế đoạn nào giáo sư không hiểu ạ ?
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Cô xướng ngôn viên của đài truyền hình đang đọc bản tin tức hàng ngày. Một tờ giấy được đồng nghgiệp chuồi lên bàn. Cô chụp lấy và đọc một cách thành thạo đâỳ kinh nghiệm :
- Sau đây là bản tin nhanh chúng tôi vừa nhận được : " Quỷ thần ơi, cọng rau muống còn dính ở kẽ răng của cậu ".
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Vợ: Từ từ đã anh ......
Chồng: Từ từ là thế nào? Em kêu thẽ thôi! Thôi em cho anh quay lại. Cứ bắt nó dựng đứng thế này thì anh khó nghĩ quá ..........
V: Ừ thì nằm...... Ái ! Anh lại Trượt rồi......
C: Thế .... Ngửa mặt lên....Rồi...... Thôi kiểu này khó quá.Để anh quay lại nhé cho dễ......
V: Nhanh lên......... Thế ..... Nhét nó vào....... Hừ Hừ..........!!!!!!!!!!!
C: Nhưng anh sợ không vừa!!!!!!!!!!!
V: Cứ nhét vào....... Đàn ông gì mà...............
C: Làm sao ?
V: Chơi xếp hình với anh chán bỏ xừ.... Thôi em đi ngủ đây....
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Trong một cuộc thi "Chúng ta biết gì về phụ nữ" do tạp chí "phụ nữ" tổ chức. Người đoạt giải nhất: Titoe 10 tuổi.

Bức thư gửi ban tổ chức từ 1 thành viên: "Tôi biết đàn bà từ năm 12 tuổi, năm nay tôi đã 68 tuổi, vậy mà ban tổ chức lạicho rằng 1 đứa trẻ ranh lại biết về phụ nữ hơn tôi!"
Thư trả lời của ban tổ chức: "Trong câu hỏi đầu tiên của chúng tôi "Ở đâu phụ nữ lông xoăn nhất (thì lông với tóc tiếng Nga chung 1 tiếng, Titoe trả lời đúng "ở trung tâm châu Phi", còn ông trả lời ra sao? Lại còn vẽ minh hoạ nữa. Câu hỏi thứ hai của chúng tôi "Cơ quan chính của phụ nữ tên gọi là gì?".Titoe trả lời đúng "Hội phụ nữ thế giới", còn ông trả lơi như thế nào? lai còn minh hoạ nữa. Câu hỏi thứ ba của cúng tôi "người phụ nữ khắc khoải chờ đợi cái gì hàng tháng?", Titoe trả lời chính xác đó là "tạp chí Phụ Nữ". Còn ông, ông trả lời ra sao? Đáng mừng là ông không có minh hoạ.
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Thông minh

Các nhà khoa học của một nước đào sâu xuống đất 50m và phát hiện ra những mảnh chì nhỏ. Sau khi nghiên cứu những mảnh chì này suốt một thời gian dài, họ tuyên bố rằng tiền nhân của họ cách đây 25.000 năm đã có một hệ thống điện thoại toàn quốc gia.

Chính phủ của nước láng giềng không hài lòng. Họ thuê các nhà khoa học của mình đào sâu hơn đến tận 100m và tìm thấy những mảnh thủy tinh. Họ liền công bố rằng tiền nhân của họ cách đây 35.000 năm đã có một hệ thống cáp quang toàn quốc gia.

Các nhà khoa học của nước láng giềng khác cảm thấy bị xúc phạm. Họ đào 50m, 100m rồi 200m sâu dưới lòng đất nhưng chẳng tìm thấy gì cả. Cuối cùng, họ kết luận tiền nhân của mình cách đây 55.000 năm đã biết dùng điện thoại di động.
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Một cuộc thăm dò ý kiến do Liên Hợp Quốc tổ chức trên quy mô toàn cầu gần đây đưa ra câu hỏi sau: "Xin vui lòng cho biết ý kiến của bạn về tình hình thiếu thốn lương thực tại phần còn lại của thế giới!".

Cuộc khảo sát đã thất bại thảm hại.

Ở châu Phi, người ta không biết "thức ăn" là gì. Ở Tây Âu, dân chúng không có khái niệm về "thiếu thốn". Trong ngôn ngữ của dân Đông Âu không có từ "ý kiến". Người dân Nam Mỹ không hiểu "xin vui lòng" có ý nghĩa ra sao. Còn ở Mỹ, người ta chẳng biết "phần còn lại của thế giới" là cái gì cả.

Khốn kiếp

Một người dàn ông chơi golf với một nữ tu sĩ. Người đàn ông đánh trượt, anh ta thốt lên:
- Khốn kiếp, trượt mất rồi!
- Nếu anh còn nói như vậy thì một đám mây đen lớn sẽ kéo đến và anh sẽ bị sét đánh đấy!-nữ tu sĩ nói.
Một lát sau người đàn ông lại dánh trượt và anh ta lại thốt lên:
- Khốn kiếp, trượt mất rồi!
Nữ tu sĩ lại nói:
- Nếu anh còn nói như vậy thì một đám mây đen lớn sẽ kéo đến và anh sẽ bị sét đánh đấy!
Nhưng lần thứ ba, người đàn ông vẫn nói:
- Khốn kiếp, trượt mất rồi!
Một đám mây đen lớn kéo đến và một tia sét đánh trúng nữ tu sĩ. Một giọng nói vọng xuống từ trên cao:
- Khốn kiếp, trượt mất rồi!
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Hai vợ chồng kia có đứa con đã năm tuổi rồi mà không nói được tiếng nào, hai vợ chồng lấy làm lo lắng.

Bỗng một hôm nó lên tiếng gọi:
- Ông ngoạị
Hai vợ chồng mừng vô hạn. nhưng niềm vui mừng chưa được bao lâu, thì ngày hôm sau ông ngoại thằng nhỏ qua đờị
Thế rồi thằng nhỏ lại tiếp tục tịnh khẩụ Một tháng sau, chợt nó gọi:
- Bà Ngoạị
Qua ngày hôm sau thì bà ngoại nó theo ông ngoạị Bây giờ hai vợ chồng lại lo, sao thấy mỗi lần thằng nhỏ cất tiếng gọi ai thì người đó từ giã cõi đời ngaỵ
Bẵng đi một tháng sau thằng nhỏ cũng không nói tiếng nàọ Rồi hôm ấy, nó cao hứng kêu lên:
- Ba ơị
Anh chồng run lập cập, bảo bà vơ..
- Chết anh rồi em ơi! Nó gọi anh thì thế nào anh cũng lìa đờị
Anh chồng lo lắng vô cùng, chỉ còn biết chờ tử thần đến rước. Nhưng qua ngày hôm sau, anh chồng vẫn bình an vô sự, mà lại tin anh nhà đối diện đã trút hơi thở cuối cùng.

HELLO........

I have just come across the site and i thought that i would pop in and say hello.......

Hello, looks like a great place to be, thanks for having me

Will be speaking to you all soon

Hello out there! I'm glad to have found this cool little forum. My name is Fredd. I am an artist that enjoys photoshopping and making crazy silly animations so if anyone likes that kind of stuff, don't hesistate to contact me for help, tips or tricks! I'm one of those jokester/prankster kind of people that likes to make people laugh. I just wanted to stop by and say Hello!

Cheers!

he hlo vui vui qua aaaa

I stumbled upon this forum in a google search and it looks like a cool place to hang out.

Hey I'm garry and I'm 18, I'm a big fan of Rock,
Metal music, fottball & video games.

Hi, I am new. I thought I would check this place out.
How is everyone?

Hello, he was reading out something about what someone said about guy fawkes contributing to globle warming because bonfire night pumps polution into the atmoshere
one letter said it was negligable, he said "of course it was negligable, he never actully blew up parlament"

I was listening to the radio today, and this is really for anyone who lives near Manchester, possibly stockport-Pirhanna fish have been found in the water system!
That's true too
Shocking..I know.

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Band to strip for naturist gig

A rock band have agreed to strip off to play a gig for a crowd of naturists in a maze.



Slash Bikini will play for naturists enjoying a special evening at York Maze, reports the York Press.

Band member Randy P Rock III said: "Playing naked is a new venture for the band. Depending on the reaction from the audience, this could be a once only naked performance."

Andrew Welch, from the British Naturism Society, said: "We are delighted that York Maze is hosting this landmark event for naturism, the first time a naked event has been held in a maze."

Man picks wrong spot when nature calls

CHARLESTON, W.Va. - Sometimes when nature calls, there's no time to delay, but a Kentucky man sure picked the wrong spot for a pit stop.

Michael Ray Hunter, 37, found out Wednesday night that the parking lot of the West Virginia State Police headquarters in South Charleston isn't the right spot.

Trooper J.S. Crane just happened to be walking nearby as Hunter was relieving himself.

As Crane approached, he smelled alcohol. That discovery led Crane to the truck where Hunter's friend, James Alan Richardson, 40, was checking phone messages.

During a search of the pickup, Crane and another trooper found a marijuana pipe and pills for which Richardson had no prescription.

Both men were arrested for public intoxication. Hunter also is charged with indecent exposure and Richardson is charged with possessing controlled substances.

A 43-year-old woman pleaded not guilty to a felony theft charge this week after police arrested her for stealing small stuffed animals from a grave in southern Indiana.

Police said Lucinda J. Jacobs stole two Beanie Babies from St. Matthew’s Cemetery in Posey County, about 20 miles west of Evansville along the Ohio River.

The grave site was under police surveillance after authorities received complaints about items that were missing from the cemetery’s gravesites.

Mount Vernon Police Chief Grant Beloat said officers videotaped Jacobs Saturday as she took the small, collectable stuffed animals. The toys were later found inside the woman’s car.

Burglar Left Finger Behind

A burglar was caught after he left his finger at the crime scene and police found his prints in their database.

Michael Baumgartner, 31, was spotted breaking into a leisure centre in Hamburg, Germany.

He fled when police arrived but a ring on his index finger caught on a metal fence and ripped his finger off.

Police found the severed digit on the ground and used it to track down the thief.

But it was too late to reattach the finger despite surgery at a local hospital.

hi,

always open to meet new people from around the world.

leave a message !

greets.

Hi, this looks like afun forum.
It was recommended to me by a friend (I'm not going to say who), but I think I'm going to enjoy my stay (at least until I find something else to occupy my time)

A young boy just received his driving permit. He asks his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car.

"I'll make a deal with you," said his father. "You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut, and then we'll talk."

A month later, the boy comes back and asks his father if they could discuss his use of the car.

"Son, I'm real proud of you. You've brought your grades up and you've studied your Bible, but you didn't get your hair cut!"

"You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."

"Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"

Mastermind

Seamus O Brien had been hailed the most intelligent Irish man for three years running. He had topped such shows as Larry Gogans 'Just a Minute Quiz' and 'Quicksilver' (before Bunny Carrs demise). It was suggested by the Irish Mensa board that he should enter into the English Mastermind Championships. He Did, and won a place. On they evening of the competition, Seamus enters from the crowd and placed himself on the Leather Seat and made himself comfortable. The lights dimmed and a spot light pointed at his face.
Magnus said "Seamus, What Subject are you studying?." Seamus responded, "Irish History". Very well said Magnus, Your first Question: "In what year did the 'Easter Rising take Place?' Seamus responds .."Pass"
"OK" said Magnus, "Who was the Leader of the Easter Rising?", Seamus Responds .."Pass"
"OK" said Magnus, How long did the Easter Rising Last?" Seamus Responds.. "Pass"
Instantly, a voice shout from the Crowd, "Good Man Seamus... Tell the English Nothing..."

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?''

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!''

The Teacher fainted.

Lecture

A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular
Contractions" to his first year medical students.


Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the
Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.


He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"

She replied, "Golfing with his buddies."

A woman went to her doctor to verify that she was pregnant. This was her first pregnancy. So she said to the doctor "I'm worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?"
The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain."
"I know, but can't you give me some idea?" she asks.
"Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..."said the Doctor
"Like this?"
"A little more..."
"Like this?"
"No. A little more..."
"Like this?"
"Yes. Does that hurt?"
"A little bit."
"Now stretch it over your head!"

A woman in her fifties is at home happily jumping, unclothed, on her
bed and squealing with delight.
Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea
how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?"
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care
what you think. I just came from having a mammogram, and the doctor says
that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year-old."

The husband replies, "What did he say about that 55-year old ass of
yours?"
Your name never came up," she replied.

Hello eveyone,

nice to meet you all. May I know what language you all wrote there, thanks

Angry Midget

One day a man was pissing in a public bathroom and a midget walked in and set up a step-ladder. When the man looked down, he noticed the midget staring at his balls.

"Excuse me, sir," said the midget. "I was just really admiring your balls. Mind if I hold them?"

"Why not?" said the man.

So the midget grabs onto one of his balls and says, "Now give me your wallet or I'll jump!"

Hello

Air Freshener

An Avon lady was going in an elevator when she suddenly had to fart. She promptly reached into her bag and sprayed the air with her deodorizer.

Two floors later a gentleman got into the elevator. he began to sniff.

The Avon lady asked' "Do you smell something?"

"Well, yes, I do" he replied.

"What does it smell like?"

"Hmmm, I'm not sure, but it kind of smells like someone shit in a pine tree."

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had written the word ’penis’ in tiny letters. She turned around, scanned the class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class.
The next day she went into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the word ’penis’ again on the black board. Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, so she proceeded with the day’s lesson. Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day’s word, larger than the previous day’s word.

Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead, found the words: "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!"

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had written the word ’penis’ in tiny letters. She turned around, scanned the class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class.
The next day she went into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the word ’penis’ again on the black board. Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, so she proceeded with the day’s lesson. Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day’s word, larger than the previous day’s word.

Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead, found the words: "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!"

Eating Dogs

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."

"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards him. "Two dogs, please," says one.

The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs
in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry
to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs.'

The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush and, then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

A man and his friend were enjoying deer hunting season in rural Michigan
near a blacktop highway. A huge buck walked by and the hunter carefully
drew his rifle and took careful aim.

Before he could pull the trigger, his friend pointed at a funeral procession
passing on the road below their stand.

The hunter slowly set his rifle back down, took off his hat, bowed his head
and closed his eyes in prayer.

His friend was amazed. "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing
I have ever seen. You are the kindest man I have ever known."

The hunter shrugged. "Yeah, well, we were married for 35 years, it just felt
like the right thing to do."

Cat 'gives birth to pups'

Scientists are baffled after a cat apparently gave birth to pups in Brazil.

Mimi's owner says she got pregnant after mating with a neighbour's dog.

Cassia Aparecida de Souza, from Passo Fundo, says Mimi had a litter of six babies - three cat-like and the rest looking like dogs.

Geneticists are testing blood samples to confirm the species, reports the Sun.

Unlikely hybrids have happened before but always between closely related species.

Lions and tigers have produced 'ligers', while a 'wolphin', half killer whale and half bottlenose dolphin, also exists.

Hello all from forum on forums.xiangqiclub.com

Ways To Annoy people On The Beach

Ask everyone you meet, "Hot enough for you?"

Sing the "Barney" theme song as loud as you can.

If you see kids building a sand castle, say, "That's not a real castle!"

Every time when you're about to duck under the water, yell, "Down periscope!"

Go swimming in a full business suit. If people notice, act like they're the weirdos.

Put sea shell to your ear and announce to first person to pass by, "It's for you!" Repeat several times.

Throw jellyfish around.

Tune radio to all-news station and blast as loud as you can, then nod your head and snap your fingers like you're
listening to some happenin' tunes.

Act like a sea gull.

Wear t-shirt that says, "I'm the coolest dude on this pathetic beach. No autographs please."

A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar and turned to the astonished patrons.

"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."

The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top its head.

The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals, unscathedas promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer."I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." A hush fell over the crowd. After a while,
a hand went up in the back of the bar."I'll try..." said a small woman, "But you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle!"

:D

Armed robber, 7, in Lego heist

Police in Florida are looking for a little girl, aged about seven, who tried to steal Lego at knife-point.

The girl pulled a knife on a cashier at a Wal-Mart store in Largo as she tried to walk out with two boxes of Lego.

Police say the girl, aged about seven or eight, hid the toys under her coat and tried to walk out, reports Tampabays10.com.

A store employee approached the child, asking her to turn over the Lego blocks.

Police say the little girl then opened her jacket and pulled out a 10ins carving knife.

The employee talked the girl into putting down the knife and the toys. The girl then rode away on her bicycle

They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

A better model is always just around the corner.

They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.

It is always necessary to have a backup.

They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.

The best part of having either one is the games you can play.

In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

The lights are on but nobody's home.

Big power surges knock them out for the night.

Size does matter.

A man from Lahore was touring Punjab and got lost. He saw Santa working in his field and stopped for directions.

Santa told him how to get to Shimla.

The man wanted to talk a bit so he asked Santa, "Is this your farm?"

"Yep", Santa answered.

"How big is it?" asked the tourist.

"Well, it starts down the road there where the creek is and follows the creek up and over the hill to about where you can see that big tree. Then it runs across back of the barn to a big pile of stones up yonder and then down along the fence there to the road up that way."

The tourist smiled and said, "Well, that's a nice place. Let me tell you about my place out in Lahore. I can get into my car and start out from one end of my property just as the sun is coming up in the east. I can drive all-day and just as the sun is setting in the west I reach to other end of my ranch. What do you think of that?"

Santa thought for a second or two, and then said, "I had a car like that once."

Hello forums.xiangqiclub.com !

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."

Jealous Husband

A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife. The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife's activities.

A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw the man and his wife participate in a dozen activities with utter glee.

"I just can't believe this," the distraught husband said.

The detective said, "What's not to believe? It's right up there on the screen!"

The husband replied, "I can't believe that my wife could be so much fun!"

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my tempers.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big f***ing red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond!!!

Simple game, say a word for the next poster to spell, but awnser theirs first.
I'll start.

Spell dichlorodipheneltrichloroethane.

Dont point out the huge flaw in this that renders it pointless will you?

An oldie but a goodie ...

There were three women sitting in a doctor's office, a blond, a
brunette, and a red-head. They were all pregnant.

"I'm having a boy because I was on the bottom," said the brunette.

"Well, I'm having a girl because I was on top," said the red-head.

All of a sudden the blond started crying. They asked her what was
wrong. "I'm having puppies," exclaimed the blond.

I'm horrible at coming up with jokes... and I'm part jewish and this one kid din't know it and made jew joke after jew joke so naturally I started getting a little annoyed... then I came up with the only joke I have ever come up with...

What's red white and blue and laying in a ditch??
A little aryan boy who told to many jew jokes


It's not that good but he shut his mouth atleast...

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a rabbit sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the rabbit fell dead. What do you think of that?"

The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

hiya everyone
i'm karl and i live in the UK
found the forum through google
and loving what i see so far...

i'm new - play nice with me

For all those men who say:
Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free?

Here's an update for you!!

Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage.

WHY you might ask?

Here's your answer:
Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

This horse on a farm goes up to the cow and goes, "I have a bigger dick than you" then he beats him up. The horse then goes up to a sheep and goes "I have a bigger dick than you" and beats him up too. He then goes up to the female cat and says "I have a bigger dick than you" and the cat replies "I don’t have a dick" then she beats up the horse.
The moral of the story is, no matter how big the dick, the pussy can always take it.

> >
> >A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant,
>and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as
>she sits alone at a nearby table.
> >
> >The wife asks, "Do you know her?"
> >
> >"Yes," sighs the husband, "She' s my ex-girlfriend. I understand she
>took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear
>she hasn't been sober since."
> >
> >says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on
>celebrating that long?

A Honeymoon Surprise

A guy out on the golf course took a high-speed ball right to the nuts. Writhing in agony, he fell to the ground. When he finally got himself to the doctor, he asked,“How bad is it, Doc? I’m going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancé is still a virgin.”

The doctor said, “I’ll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay in about two weeks.” Then the doctor took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art.

The guy mentioned none of this to his girl and the two got married. On their honeymoon night, she opened her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts and told him, “You’ll be the first; no one has ever touched these before.”

The new husband dropped his pants and said, “Look at this �#8221; it’s still in the crate!”

Pancakes

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor. With some
hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be
in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just feed him
pancakes... That should solve the problem."

The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack
of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.

"Gee, Mom," he exclaimed. "For me?"

"Just take two," Brenda replied. "The rest are for your father.":-)